Reminiscence of my first

The boy from Liverpool who loved Bob Marley & giant spliffs
& virginia superkings
& blowing perfect smoke rings
he was teased for always wearing the same thing
an old tracksuit & a pair of tight blue jeans
I loved him more than any of my friends
he was my best friend
& we shared many afternoons entwined on the couch
he didnt understand
i never planned to fall for a man

& i remember he had strong calloused hands
because he worked with his dad in a leather factory
& i remember when his house was robbed
& all they had was a TV and a few CD's
& i remember breaking it off constantly
yet completely adoring his company
i remember kissing him was pleasurable to me
in a time when i began to question my sexuality

okay, enough of the niceties
the boy turned to hard drugs
& became a junkie
i slept with both him and his girlfriend
i was a mess at that stage
we all were eventually
his dad tried it on our whole family
he wanted marriage
i wanted an escape
we blew our heads off in bed together
we hid everything like broken people do
he came back when i was in love
my soulmate gave my best mate a hand job
i pushed her out the windowsill
im still sorry
im not a violent person
but i realised that night i can be