the silver fox

heart somersaults and bad poetry
you show me things i once knew
and we sing them to the skies now
im nervous and ecstatic and excited
delighted to have you in my life
delirious to be living life
we're alive and im in love
with all of the above

Sleepy

the warmth spreads from my legs through my bones up my body as i fumble mumble slightly tumble into plans of sex and sedation trepadation walk ever so lightly sprightly in my decisions and desires i require consent while my hearts burning and my cunt's on fire as i walk along the train tracks recounting each step as i learn to relax and i wait for your eyes to reach mine and then my body starts to climax i spill tears from my eyes when i think its all too much

oceanbed

the cold sea
i float on my stomach rhythmically
to the waves
the current washes me ashore
i take a deep breath and dive under once more
swallowing the salty water
laughing harder than ever with the youngest daughter
underwater i can breathe once more

sandy faced acid girl

jacaranda flowers carpet the werld
anime is my girl
manga structure
reluctant to luster
eyes closed i muster up the strength to pull off her clothes
make love under silver moon three times over
cant remember feeling so close to a lover
cant remember feeling so close to another

sicksicksick

i can barely stand
the heat surges through me
pinpricks of pain
fire & lightning bolts
i grip my head in my hands
keep it under control
i want to start weeping
instead swaying drunkenly
must look like a junkie
cold sweat breaks out on me
i stink with disease
bending more and more at the knees
white light again
fizzing
smacked in the brain
i want to run with the wind
pour water on my body
where does this pain come from?
too long with chemicals
drug-riddled shell casts off the weight of the world
underneath, a little girl.

Long Dark You

belly love
ate our breakfast after early wake
shake your bottom down the bunker stairs
sometimes it feels like we are really sailing
you start wailing in the night
its dark so you leave on a light
its getting late and we left the windows open
mosquitos make music for hours
piercing our skin and ears
i hold onto my fears

the urge re-emerges to converge on the steps of this white dark place
this distaste on my tongue
i rub my lungs to the sound of guns
i smell eucalyptus
inside i run
awaken melting underneath canvas in a sweltering landscape
aware of the dangers
the river is empty of all life

its hard to re-create moments she says are wasted
i dont believe love is only once tasted
out of the corner of my eye i see..
romance is alight!
kisses burn me
your touch is warm tonight
you are the last light
the sun
you and me in a car
its not very sustainable but we are having fun

Fate

he wants it, to covvet it, classics
the amphitheatre explodes with kids on the same trips
i felt more out of it than i've ever been
slipping away
the only thing to keep me sane
Fate

The same dreams
across a desert of distance
maybe even the same screams that no one listened to
these happening urge me to ask the universe
to stop giving me such obvious clues
such as; I've always known you
or it feels that way
that safe,
warm space,
covered,
cornered,
creeping up
the realisation that we must
no real trust, just us
can you understand that we must simply love one another?
it makes me want to laugh
but its hard, the change in direction
slip of the tongue
Taking Action.
the sun bursts forth from the depths of the valley
we cycle straightforward, toward the ocean
feel real, full of warmth for you, love&commotion
in our dreams we slide into utter devotion
thats where we met

inbetween reality and waking life

old werld

soothing sounds with underlying meanings
hypocritcal feelings and drug dealings
free trips to the stars and back
every time im in coles i cant help stealing

brave as a wave

bogan jeans & the same red bra i stole from
kmart when i was fifteen
first pair of cons
still standing
lip piercings & best friend science class brandings
black turned blue ink in my skin
not too deep
flesh is
a blank canvas

you tell me things and i try to remember them
like when you were young
and love was distant
insignificant
i draw on you with my stares

i never grew up i just grew away

EXIsT

do you miss the kisses unsolid forms or years or broken sweat and tears i fear for..your safety? i prayed for space and gravity to surround you and grab you like one of those hugs at the airports i never want to let you go sorts something laps yet there is no ocean just ground up stones and what not to create that grey atmosphere im still here and youre still there as we say in our dreams its possible and yeh webs are sticky get caught up and see through lost fingers still alive and dancing though
space for self collection the garbage kids dont see us as junk rifle through it pay attention i imagine your laugh and your cries
i am on the top of the mountain for the first time im afraid though because its time for me to let go im leaving also
back to australia too soon then a swag and a backpack will be my bedroom

sufferance

it all doesnt matter now
if we grow wings or not
tortured by these images
of a life lost
awakened desires
of naked fires
night time
i dream of girls
the days are hot

speak slowly
admire every lingering moment
dark hair all over
it doesnt matter what my name is
in every language we are alone, together
craving daily doses
at LEAST
if not more

separated lips and legs
shuddered movements
silent caress
ignore the masses
find our way up eachothers dresses
noiseless
nothing else matters
and then silence
the dawn gives birth
to explosions in my eyes
mountains and still air
and im still here
and you're still there

separated lips and legs
to love & dream & fight
is life lived
it doesnt matter now
im not scared
all that matters is what we share

A breath of fresh air

I have been so blind
blind to love & bound to fate
we stay up late
& too soon its too early
& time to sleep
so silently
after the smoke has cleared away
& the bubbles have resided
& the leaves stir drowsily
i watch the colours merge
pushed up from their slumbers
urged in secret stealth

how black becomes blue
& blue becomes grey
how pale pastels can seem
when everything is shrouded in the mountains veil
pink becomes orange
orange becomes sky
& no words from our language
could describe how sweetly the birds cry
& if i had a tear to wipe from my eye
i'd say
"listen boys,
how this moment has changed our lives"
& i'd hope they say "yes"
it doesnt matter what seems to matter
the sunrise knows best
& this beating in my chest
i'll play along like i know best
& capture this memory
to plant in my dreams when i rest
& when i awaken
may it bring a surprise
a breath of fresh air
to these gorgeous boy's lives
& if i had a tear to wipe from my eye
it would be for the way the birds sing
when i cry

for michael & yuray & me

Bloody Mary

for the first of it
i ignored him
i ignored her
and i ignored them
then i loosened up
sweltering
sandals slapping on hot skin
i start sweating
sunsets are caught inbetween totem poles of electricity
fire
and people walking
theres a space and distance around every single second
theres an ultimate meaning to every word uttered
each swaying movement and lapping wave
is another melody that sets and plays
we dance around and jump over medusa
we see through the poison on offer
we drink ice cold juice
it hurts
night falls on top of the pink and grey backdrop
blue or black
or just everything all added up
words are lost and instead we trace footprints
spell out congrats of days passed since life's beginings
sighs of solitude and peace
rest in ease on our salty backs
flickers of love like falling stars
only if you catch it..

Two hours

hands drag in a drunken stance
swolen thoughts are taut
i miss dancing
irreverseable motions
obsessive opressed solutions
salutations to the night walker
terror stalks the youngest daughter
back folds like creased paper
the same position over
i miss perfection
i am too sober
beginning to see the end
first breaths and misfits
rough to look at and kiss
absolution and a grave knot in the stomach
six minutes and two hours
19 years and not enough showers
innocence and cleanliness
are forgetton lyrics with a sombre riff

The Negev

Irrational prose

short breaths
shapes and lines and movement
a longing to caress
sweat dried from desert sun rays
forgetting to get undressed
always punctured
stains and symbols and misfortunes
unlaced dirt traced boots
clinging singlets
drenched in desire
now hang loose
the wind blows over the abyss
fences and defences and no right to choose
stones and sand
glass that slides inside skin
like a glove
sharp and pretty and red
white never stays clean
forget everything you've learnt
summers merge with winters
bodies writhe like rivers
lapping and cold to begin with
warmth spreads from our fingers
heat overwhelming
longing to scream to break the silence
boiling point
jagged minutes
counting down and ticking off
every sleep is contact lost
every waking is closer to your touch
bleeding and fainting and painting
irrational prose
indifferent or indignant
i still wont take off my clothes

Inspiration in stupidity

and she laughed at me in wonder
questioning my observations of the sun setting
as if nature wasnt something special
and i realised this is why i love my family
we realise that life is sacred
and we are blessed
i try to input thoughts of stars and planetary rotations
but there is no room for that sort of debating
lets talk about different cigarette brands
and shakira shakira
life just gets clearer and clearer

Unsteady changes

in the dream we are all preparing for a long journey.
we are on a beach at night.
in the dream everything is silent.
i cant even hear the waves crashing on the shore.
in the dream everyone is beautiful and i am in love them all.
we are pirates & pixies.
in the dream everyone leaves and i am left behind.

Blue day

Nofush, motek shelach

we spoke of dreams & i saw the moon
we grew up together without even knowing eachother
yet i know you
the embers burn & we wrap ourselves in a blanket
sharing this space once & forever
& i silently thank you
im not sure how to express the deepness of love i feel for you
how fond i am of your company
how our world feels so rich & new

if i can just remember this

our moment together in awed bliss
of different worlds & minds & words
for just this moment
this is what there is
i feel renewed compassion
for love & connections
we keep meeting & clashing
& smiling & laughing
i bid you sweet dreams
& feel sure we are the same
all of us are in some way
only human
..as they say
& so dear cousin
layla tov
may you journey deep within yourself
& tomorrow we'll drink coco & smoke cigarettes
& continue our shared existance

Reminiscence of my first

The boy from Liverpool who loved Bob Marley & giant spliffs
& virginia superkings
& blowing perfect smoke rings
he was teased for always wearing the same thing
an old tracksuit & a pair of tight blue jeans
I loved him more than any of my friends
he was my best friend
& we shared many afternoons entwined on the couch
he didnt understand
i never planned to fall for a man

& i remember he had strong calloused hands
because he worked with his dad in a leather factory
& i remember when his house was robbed
& all they had was a TV and a few CD's
& i remember breaking it off constantly
yet completely adoring his company
i remember kissing him was pleasurable to me
in a time when i began to question my sexuality

okay, enough of the niceties
the boy turned to hard drugs
& became a junkie
i slept with both him and his girlfriend
i was a mess at that stage
we all were eventually
his dad tried it on our whole family
he wanted marriage
i wanted an escape
we blew our heads off in bed together
we hid everything like broken people do
he came back when i was in love
my soulmate gave my best mate a hand job
i pushed her out the windowsill
im still sorry
im not a violent person
but i realised that night i can be

Did he poison me?

i wake up and its dark but there are birds and noises that stir memories that are tear stained and blurred its like an excavation of my words and thoughts tipped out for all to walk on i feel suffocated and squashed and that i've lost a vital part in what it means to go on i cant love for im afraid to let go i've lost more than my eyes and my voice i've lost you i can drag myself up though and walk across desert valleys so white in the sun its like snow to an old ruined castle made of stone on my own and inside are the animals that hide and a little turtle friend of mine the only soul here i've met who can take their time im rushed into waking up prodded and asked whats wrong followed and scrutinised and told half lies to put cloth over my eyes but i already realise what is going on here and i've already left all my doubts worry and fear im becoming like you and you're scared this is true so you hurry to send me off into the oceans blue not rubbish strewn with body parts and kids with guns half their size and that hollow sad look that rots out their eyes are we still all human here or do you make that distinction fed by the governments lies and i've barely even cried im becoming like them its in my blood anyway to be cold to my own friends to have armour and strength even when i just want it to end just a cuddle from a loved one or a love song in the backround and i've found that in time we can adapt to anything and if this is a gift of mine i'd prefer it stay hidden im learning new languages but poetry sounds harsh with it i feel my knowledge has been abused a bit im bruised and have ached for weeks im leaking pure lust here but like this desert land it turns to dust and disapears like the salty sand it soaks up all my escaping tears did he poison me or is that you're own fear?

Another Stone in the Wall

i have an alarmingly increased lack of vocabulary
my dialect has become impregnated with peace & rest
i find it hard now to share speech with our species

at first when i left i was terrified, i'll let you know
i cried as soon as i walked through those gates
wracked with pain from head to toe
then all thoughts of everything once known melted from my mind
i was on my way
on my own
for the first time

this world is tragic and beautiful like all great love stories
i feel these lonesome journeys of mine are like a book
but there are no words yet
i realised this & have begun writing my own destiny in scribble with shaking hands & bare foot

i have floated in dead seas that have stung me for what seemed like an eternity
i have walked the mountains surrounding the place of the pre-beginnig of our concept of time
i have milked goats and felt sick and silly and sordid
then eaten the cheese from that same milk with glee & not once felt boredom
i have watched celebrations of the independance of a land filled with patriotiscm, religion & suspicion
i have seen people so terrorised there was no surprise in their eyes at the suicide of a young boy with a wish to die in cluttered submission
i have run for my life from screams & sirens & rubble, knowing i was in real trouble
i have turned back shaking, determined to witness a nation breaking
i have danced in the mediterranean and smoked nargila with soldiers of young ages
i have even wailed in the old city & stuck a prayer in a crack in the western wall
there were enough prayers there to fill the pages of the worlds biggest bible
i prayed for protection and guidance of us all
for mother earth to be respected & to not yet fall
because we, her children, are fighting & causing the destruction of the world

i have been..
blessed
repressed
fully dressed
a guest
depressed
sandwiched
anguished
lavished
ravaged
savage
lost
taken advantage of
sobbed
robbed
not yet snogged
hugged
lugged
rubbed
shrugged
died and woken up..

which leads me to this exact moment
& i'll own it till my time stops

Ahava

semi-acoustic vibrations appear on the roads like sweltering heat sights on outback stations i wake up and find myself rolling through stone mountains trembling under a sun that stirs movement & shaking determined women beat their clothing and continue their early morning baking bagels are sold on death toll highways with high fives and slight waves in the middle of the desert, two young boys in black suits play with their curls like toys in a silent pursuit of the sea of life a retreat for the weary feet a dead sea where one is cleansed upon entry this is my destination ravenous cravings of this purity have been plagueing my thoughts for it seems like centuries and like a centipede, on many legs i slide into the sea and feel a healing deep inside of me salty and stinging my thighs and in-between i lie back looking above at a cloudy grey sky my hands are behind my head and i'm floating i look up and within my sight i am the only creature here alive here i feel me again here mother earth is my friend and above and around me, father plays and laughs with me

Beauty & Filth

we are two cats in an alleyway
the same except living out separate days
except its night always and these dreams are our reality

we are two drops in the ocean
the same in every way except we fall in different motions
& we have our own secret notions for continuing this devotion

to be together so far apart
sewing you to my separated self in the dark
with a needle that seems so sharp
is this real?
throwing love like darts
is this what it means to feel again?

you are the most beautiful invisible woman i've ever laid my mind upon

Suppressed desires

in the dream i am fighting a black cat with a small silver two-bladed knife.
we are in a round red tent.
in the dream the cat is talking to me.
i stab her repeatedly until she stops talking to me.
in the dream i walk to a tap and fill a bowl of water for the cat to drink.
the water has blood in it.
in the dream the cat is defeated, and runs away.

Toxic honey

you are like an exotic holographic ghost playing in my dreams
yet when i wake up there are traces left of where you've pulled at my seams
& it all seems like somewhere i might have once been
because when i read your words i have memories of things i've never seen
& so you lay your hands out in front of me
show me a heart so rich im too transfixed to start running
and this is how we make love, this universal language
of rummaging in the dumpsters of our bones and skin
and creating conversations we dont have to finish or begin
just precious moments clinging closer to our human kin
so i keep digging
& hoping all the while you'll bring me more of your sentences on a string
which i'll wrap around my neck at night so i can see you flicker once more in my dreams

I love (Part 1)

I love

ferns and lillies
honeysuckle and citrus
juggles and firesticks
big crowded matressess
jams and making love with music
music and watching all my friends groove it
dancing and dance-offs and hitting the right spot
being a softy being loud & standing my ground
watching the words pour out of peoples mouths
defiance and alliances and giant trees and being free
touch and whispers and romance and delicacy
discoveries
beauty
tragedy
& appreciating the fragility of being human

Circles

we sat on the edge of the mediterranean & it felt strange saying i was a west australian
we are no-one in the eyes of others & here i am in a place that gets daily media coverage
we discussed politics and dirty tricks and army kids and blown up villages and nasty images and lost innocence and then we smoked nagila on the sand and spoke more of lands and languages we dont understand
the only conclusion was the intrusion of groovin'
seems like music really is the only universal language that everyone understands and holds hands with
and this made me dance in circles on the sand for weeks unaware of the screeching tyres of cars braking before smacking into other cars and shaking then speeding off before the police can make it to the site of devastation and lost elation but as i said i danced in circles instead and i have stopped wearing red luckily i did for the time i went to nazareth and there was a lonely path with a bull on it and he looked at me wearily and a little astounded and i walked past him yes i held my ground and this might not sound profound or grand but the sights smells & sounds of this land is enough to make you understand with more time with more time with more time
i am learning why they say they want to fight to protect their families and friends to abolish doubt in the minds of the young who grow up needing to be strong and then we all hear the same song and can understand that maybe humans have got it all wrong but its okay we can still play we can still dance in circles for days and days and if you wake up in a haze and remember your dreams when you wake then you can feel just a little bit more safe then you did yesterday and write it all down so you can have something to say because its not necessary to speak unless it is knowledge you seek or you want to ask someone to play with..& even then
you can always go to the beach and just dance in circles on the sand for weeks

Swag

and sometimes just as the last embrace is shaken from our skins
we realise
we remember
where it begins
and how in a way its about to end

submerge in your skin
awaken to the light of day creeping in through the canvas we're wrapped tightly in
and you kiss me and grin and like air...
we are in ... love

explore and devour me as i am your virgin land
tread easily
leave your tracks deep within me
with the lightness of your soft-as-cloud hands

your love letters
are layers of words that thrill me
they continue to deepen and make me sweat when theres a cool breeze
they make me throw off my clothes until all that is left is my bare skin
and a faerie imprint

flowers wilt without you

Truth

after one week of lucid dreams
it seems im no closer to the realisation of what it means to be given everything
im just dfrifting like soft wood or wet grass underfoot touched by some
..or am i the one who has seeped into my own lungs that its come to this?

i cant breath and i cant sleep

i sit up with wide eyes like a cartoon in disguise; a character who shies away from their own personal life
i live a lie
i live a dry lie
bitter and pointless to the hidden eye in the centre of my palm
it protects me from all evil, defends me against all charms
this arm holds me down, and as i struggle it just deepens
i cant wake up now that i've finally begun to sleep again
and as i describe in dancing movements the pain of losing friends
i choke on my own inner pen leaking from my heart again
..and it burns
and i wait,
and i listen
..somethings coming
..something glistens

bury myself in this place hidden
if you saw my face you'd know i wasnt kidding
this is breathing
this is living
this is thoughts electronically driven

i cant write anymore
i can just dance with soft pattered fingers
leaving patterns like smoke rings so distant yet..
almost believably significant

see what i mean yet ?

Once she spoke

And this dilation recedes like the contact I receive
barely audible over the roaring of fighter planes high above the trees
a familiarity of shapes swelling inside like a necessity
of passion and interest that I urge myself to remind you of uneasily

with glee, she'd dance on the concrete and streets
seeing no one and in that being utterly free
imaginings of bubbles and leaves that fall so delicately
and she could catch them..
she could see beyond their meager reality

And this retraction like a mistaken action I impede
no amount of sorry's can ever equal your innocent pleas
a generation of negative hostility lends me time to learn to grieve
A sorrow of forgotten losses and the search for a tomorrow that's possibly in reach

Religion

Tel Aviv, ISRAEL

Jim

Jim was on the bench opposite
I walked over and joined him on the seat
He had rollies and i delighted in this unexpected treat
He had a tin which we both thought was quite neat
We smoke joints together all day
& toured Zurich in a non-tourist way

Then we went to the Rote Fabrik
Drank rooibus tea
Played chess
& smoked more European style sticks

What a nice man ; that Jim
We juggled together & thats how I knew I could trust him

$6 Nitrous Oxide

The dull ache as we hold our eyes open for hours on end
We cant shake being awake until we sleep & are born again
Next to a friend who dances close and bumps your rear end
Endless amazing pointless conversations
Blessed elevations
Revelations as we interact yet its the same again
& my name you might forget
but i wont let that faulty step grip my thoughts for a minute more than it should
So i sit
& i dont know what you're thinking
We smoked a lot of joints yet partook in no drinking
Saving our minds & interlinking with other kinds
Just a twitch more & you'll find
Banging heads on walls is bound to make you fall
Repetitive blind dream world
Subconscious
You cant remeber so you leave it behind

A blind woman in Israel crossing the road

Streets lined with the sweat of slave labourers lining up for some well deserved respect among their pious peers who drench their desires with cigarettes and beers
Ultimately avoiding hazardous awakenings in the openings of new days filled with explosions and lined with nails
We await the dutiful return of the man with no hair and long curly locks, twisted desperately into an image created to perpetrate, abolish and exterminate all who follow in his wake
A blind woman in Israel I sail from heights never before scaled and haling from a land of everything’s mostly okay
Yet I distinguish the difference between death and pain
Blood spattered streets that don’t get cleansed in the rain, which never comes,
just hot pollution and hazy sun
Which we never see set
and a war
Which we never see settled
And she walks over to the calcium filled water and fills the kettle
More honey and peace
Soon my sweet we’ll escape like rebels
Riding out on a desert highway, all the way back to our favourite yesterday
We said we’d never sway
Unless today is the day
How many people died today in different ways, and can we differentiate between torture and euthanasia?
Is this the easy way?
Riding out on a desert highway, we hit a woman and take her life in day
We'll escape like ribbons, untied and sliding softly underneath tired eyes and ears
...A way to cross this road without being seen