The Negev

Irrational prose

short breaths
shapes and lines and movement
a longing to caress
sweat dried from desert sun rays
forgetting to get undressed
always punctured
stains and symbols and misfortunes
unlaced dirt traced boots
clinging singlets
drenched in desire
now hang loose
the wind blows over the abyss
fences and defences and no right to choose
stones and sand
glass that slides inside skin
like a glove
sharp and pretty and red
white never stays clean
forget everything you've learnt
summers merge with winters
bodies writhe like rivers
lapping and cold to begin with
warmth spreads from our fingers
heat overwhelming
longing to scream to break the silence
boiling point
jagged minutes
counting down and ticking off
every sleep is contact lost
every waking is closer to your touch
bleeding and fainting and painting
irrational prose
indifferent or indignant
i still wont take off my clothes

Inspiration in stupidity

and she laughed at me in wonder
questioning my observations of the sun setting
as if nature wasnt something special
and i realised this is why i love my family
we realise that life is sacred
and we are blessed
i try to input thoughts of stars and planetary rotations
but there is no room for that sort of debating
lets talk about different cigarette brands
and shakira shakira
life just gets clearer and clearer

Unsteady changes

in the dream we are all preparing for a long journey.
we are on a beach at night.
in the dream everything is silent.
i cant even hear the waves crashing on the shore.
in the dream everyone is beautiful and i am in love them all.
we are pirates & pixies.
in the dream everyone leaves and i am left behind.

Blue day

Nofush, motek shelach

we spoke of dreams & i saw the moon
we grew up together without even knowing eachother
yet i know you
the embers burn & we wrap ourselves in a blanket
sharing this space once & forever
& i silently thank you
im not sure how to express the deepness of love i feel for you
how fond i am of your company
how our world feels so rich & new

if i can just remember this

our moment together in awed bliss
of different worlds & minds & words
for just this moment
this is what there is
i feel renewed compassion
for love & connections
we keep meeting & clashing
& smiling & laughing
i bid you sweet dreams
& feel sure we are the same
all of us are in some way
only human
..as they say
& so dear cousin
layla tov
may you journey deep within yourself
& tomorrow we'll drink coco & smoke cigarettes
& continue our shared existance

Reminiscence of my first

The boy from Liverpool who loved Bob Marley & giant spliffs
& virginia superkings
& blowing perfect smoke rings
he was teased for always wearing the same thing
an old tracksuit & a pair of tight blue jeans
I loved him more than any of my friends
he was my best friend
& we shared many afternoons entwined on the couch
he didnt understand
i never planned to fall for a man

& i remember he had strong calloused hands
because he worked with his dad in a leather factory
& i remember when his house was robbed
& all they had was a TV and a few CD's
& i remember breaking it off constantly
yet completely adoring his company
i remember kissing him was pleasurable to me
in a time when i began to question my sexuality

okay, enough of the niceties
the boy turned to hard drugs
& became a junkie
i slept with both him and his girlfriend
i was a mess at that stage
we all were eventually
his dad tried it on our whole family
he wanted marriage
i wanted an escape
we blew our heads off in bed together
we hid everything like broken people do
he came back when i was in love
my soulmate gave my best mate a hand job
i pushed her out the windowsill
im still sorry
im not a violent person
but i realised that night i can be

Did he poison me?

i wake up and its dark but there are birds and noises that stir memories that are tear stained and blurred its like an excavation of my words and thoughts tipped out for all to walk on i feel suffocated and squashed and that i've lost a vital part in what it means to go on i cant love for im afraid to let go i've lost more than my eyes and my voice i've lost you i can drag myself up though and walk across desert valleys so white in the sun its like snow to an old ruined castle made of stone on my own and inside are the animals that hide and a little turtle friend of mine the only soul here i've met who can take their time im rushed into waking up prodded and asked whats wrong followed and scrutinised and told half lies to put cloth over my eyes but i already realise what is going on here and i've already left all my doubts worry and fear im becoming like you and you're scared this is true so you hurry to send me off into the oceans blue not rubbish strewn with body parts and kids with guns half their size and that hollow sad look that rots out their eyes are we still all human here or do you make that distinction fed by the governments lies and i've barely even cried im becoming like them its in my blood anyway to be cold to my own friends to have armour and strength even when i just want it to end just a cuddle from a loved one or a love song in the backround and i've found that in time we can adapt to anything and if this is a gift of mine i'd prefer it stay hidden im learning new languages but poetry sounds harsh with it i feel my knowledge has been abused a bit im bruised and have ached for weeks im leaking pure lust here but like this desert land it turns to dust and disapears like the salty sand it soaks up all my escaping tears did he poison me or is that you're own fear?

Another Stone in the Wall

i have an alarmingly increased lack of vocabulary
my dialect has become impregnated with peace & rest
i find it hard now to share speech with our species

at first when i left i was terrified, i'll let you know
i cried as soon as i walked through those gates
wracked with pain from head to toe
then all thoughts of everything once known melted from my mind
i was on my way
on my own
for the first time

this world is tragic and beautiful like all great love stories
i feel these lonesome journeys of mine are like a book
but there are no words yet
i realised this & have begun writing my own destiny in scribble with shaking hands & bare foot

i have floated in dead seas that have stung me for what seemed like an eternity
i have walked the mountains surrounding the place of the pre-beginnig of our concept of time
i have milked goats and felt sick and silly and sordid
then eaten the cheese from that same milk with glee & not once felt boredom
i have watched celebrations of the independance of a land filled with patriotiscm, religion & suspicion
i have seen people so terrorised there was no surprise in their eyes at the suicide of a young boy with a wish to die in cluttered submission
i have run for my life from screams & sirens & rubble, knowing i was in real trouble
i have turned back shaking, determined to witness a nation breaking
i have danced in the mediterranean and smoked nargila with soldiers of young ages
i have even wailed in the old city & stuck a prayer in a crack in the western wall
there were enough prayers there to fill the pages of the worlds biggest bible
i prayed for protection and guidance of us all
for mother earth to be respected & to not yet fall
because we, her children, are fighting & causing the destruction of the world

i have been..
blessed
repressed
fully dressed
a guest
depressed
sandwiched
anguished
lavished
ravaged
savage
lost
taken advantage of
sobbed
robbed
not yet snogged
hugged
lugged
rubbed
shrugged
died and woken up..

which leads me to this exact moment
& i'll own it till my time stops

Ahava

semi-acoustic vibrations appear on the roads like sweltering heat sights on outback stations i wake up and find myself rolling through stone mountains trembling under a sun that stirs movement & shaking determined women beat their clothing and continue their early morning baking bagels are sold on death toll highways with high fives and slight waves in the middle of the desert, two young boys in black suits play with their curls like toys in a silent pursuit of the sea of life a retreat for the weary feet a dead sea where one is cleansed upon entry this is my destination ravenous cravings of this purity have been plagueing my thoughts for it seems like centuries and like a centipede, on many legs i slide into the sea and feel a healing deep inside of me salty and stinging my thighs and in-between i lie back looking above at a cloudy grey sky my hands are behind my head and i'm floating i look up and within my sight i am the only creature here alive here i feel me again here mother earth is my friend and above and around me, father plays and laughs with me

Beauty & Filth

we are two cats in an alleyway
the same except living out separate days
except its night always and these dreams are our reality

we are two drops in the ocean
the same in every way except we fall in different motions
& we have our own secret notions for continuing this devotion

to be together so far apart
sewing you to my separated self in the dark
with a needle that seems so sharp
is this real?
throwing love like darts
is this what it means to feel again?

you are the most beautiful invisible woman i've ever laid my mind upon